Happiness is always a choice. Always. So is taking offense. No exceptions.
Anyone who says otherwise does not want you to be an empowered, liberated human being. They are teaching you to believe that you are a powerless victim, unable to control your own destiny.
There are only two classes of things in this world: things that act, and things that are acted upon. Empowerment is when you give somebody the ability to act for themselves, independent of outside forces. Disempowerment is when you take that ability away.
There is nothing more empowering than to realize that no matter where you are in life—no matter how shitty your circumstances—you can always still choose to be happy.
Happiness is a feeling that only exists inside of you. It is not something external that is forced or bestowed upon you by outside forces. It is wholly internal to your heart and mind. It is a reaction to outside forces—a reaction that you choose to make.
If happiness is not a choice—if it is something over which we have no control—then we cannot have any control over any of our feelings. Our passions are external forces that act upon us, and we are powerless to stop them because our emotional development ended at age two.
Is there anything empowering or liberating about this philosophy? No. Quite the opposite. It debases mankind and makes us no better than the animals. It destroys our agency and makes us slaves to our passions.
Happiness is always a choice.
In a similar way, it is always a choice to feel offended. Why? Because offense is a reaction to external forces, just as our feelings are reactions to external forces. If we cannot choose how we react to the things that happen to us, then we have no agency—no power to act for ourselves.
If taking offense is not a choice, then we are always at the mercy of those who offend us. Forgiveness is impossible because we are powerless to react in any other way. We are, and always will be, victims.
Does this mean that if someone hurts us, it is our fault for feeling hurt? No, because there is a difference between being hurt and taking offense. Hurt is a result of external forces, while offense is an internal reaction to those forces. It is impossible to love someone without giving them the power to hurt you, but how you respond to that hurt is always your choice.
In politics today, there is an increasingly popular idea that being a victim somehow makes you virtuous. This is where intersectionality comes from: so that people can claim to belong to two or three victim groups at the same time. It grows out of the idea that fairness is equality of outcome, and it is completely anathema to the idea of personal responsibility.
What does “responsibility” mean? It comes from two words: “able” and “response.” When you are responsible, you are able to choose your own response to the things that happen to you. You are an empowered free agent, a liberated human being.
Can you see how the modern cult of victimhood completely undermines this? How things like safe spaces, trigger warnings, and microaggressions are all calculated to destroy our individual agency, and thus render us powerless to control our own destiny?
The flipside of the coin of Liberty is personal responsibility. Anything that erases the latter will destroy the former with it, and those who give up their responsibilities also give up their freedom. When we surrender our ability to choose our own response, we are no longer people who act but people who are acted upon.
Brigham Young wisely said:
He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.
Offense is not something you are, it is something you take. And it is always—ALWAYS—a choice.
Well said, Joe.
Life is full of things that happen, including age and disability and family problems. If I didn’t choose to be as happy as possible anyway, I’d spend my life feeling miserable.
And that feeling would hamper my ability to choose to help where needed. I can’t afford not to choose happiness.
Some days it’s harder than others. Some days it takes a while to get there. But I always find that it is necessary. Because choosing to feel unhappy when there is another choice is expensive. And a habit of it is a downer on all the people you love. Yes, even if you’re chronically ill and a physical burden to them. You don’t also have to whine about it.
My Mother would be happy to know that she taught me this, almost by accident, when she took me on a visit to an old friend of hers who was dying of cancer. I still remember that day vividly, because I didn’t really want to go, the room her friend was in was dim and looked dingy to my teenage eyes (sick rooms have a lot of stuff in them). It remains one of the best days of my life. Her friend Sarita Limón was so funny, she kept us in stitches the whole time we were there with stories about her travel in Europe, and not one word of complaint I can remember. She wasn’t being brave for our sake – she was just being herself.
Thank you for reminding me. I had to dig a bit for her name – that was the last time I saw her. I’m sure she’s in heaven still telling hilarious stories – and being happy.