So the first quarter finalists for the Writers of the Future contest were finally announced (finally!), and I wasn’t among them. Oh well. But the good news is that I can move ahead now to publish part 1 of Star Wanderers!
First, though, I need to work out a killer blurb. This is what I’ve got so far:
When Jeremiah arrived at Megiddo Station, all he wanted was to make some trades and resupply his starship. He never thought he’d come away from the frontier outpost with a wife.
Before he knows it, he’s back on his ship again, alone with his accidental bride. Since neither of them speak the same language, he has no way to tell her that there’s been a terrible mistake. And because of the deadly famine that has ravaged her home, there’s no going back either. The only way forward lies across a dozen parsecs of cold, empty space.
Jeremiah wasn’t looking for someone to keep him warm on the long voyages, and he certainly isn’t ready to settle down. He’s a star wanderer, roaming the Outworlds in search of his fortune. But there’s a dark side to his wandering–a loneliness that threatens to destroy him. His unexpected passenger may be willing to end that, but how can she when they barely understand each other?
So what do you think? Does it tickle your fancy? Are you intrigued to read more? Or are you thinking it’s kind of “meh”? Any feedback would be much appreciated, even if it’s just “this reminds me of _____.”
By the way, here’s the cover:
I’m experimenting a lot with this next novel. The plan is to release it in a serial format first, then publish the full-length novel once I’ve serialized the sequel (more of a parallax actually. The tentative title for that one is Star Home, and it’s the story from the girl’s perspective).
Here’s how I plan to publish it:
- Release Part I for $2.99.
- Give newsletter subscribers a two week coupon code on Smashwords to download Part I for free.
- Release Part II for $2.99 and drop Part I to free.
- Give newsletter subscribers a two week coupon code on Smashwords to download Part II for free.
- Release Part III for $2.99 and drop Part II to $.99. Keep Part I at free.
- Give newsletter subscribers a two week coupon code on Smashwords to download Part III for free.
- Release Part IV for $2.99 and drop Part III to $.99. Keep Part II at $.99 and Part I at free.
- Give newsletter subscribers a two week coupon code on Smashwords to download Part IV for free.
- Publish the full-length novel at $4.95.
This way, no one has to pay more than five bucks for the whole thing, and people who subscribe to the newsletter get a really sweet deal. There shouldn’t be more than a month or two between release dates–Part II is almost ready to go, and I plan on finishing the complete first draft in the next couple of days.
So yeah, that’s the plan. I’m excited to finally get this story out to you! I really had a blast writing it, and I think you’ll enjoy reading it, especially if (like me!) you’re a fan of science fiction romance.
More to come!
I think my problem with the blurb is that it doesn’t sound like much happens. From the blurb I get the feeling that the main character gets married and that the rest of the book is basically “Now what?” If there is other opposition in the book besides loneliness, I would definitely include it. It sounds like a pure romance right now, without much other story to go along with it.
Regarding the cover, my comment is that the image doesn’t seem to have a focal point. If that’s the message you want to convey (wandering, loneliness, no real destination), that’s fine. Just thought I’d point it out.
Hmmm, yeah, I see what you mean. Let me try and come up with something…
And as for the cover, I’ll probably end up changing it, though I’m not sure how yet.
Going along with that last comment, I think the third paragraph is the culprit. It isn’t really telling us anything new that the first two paragraphs haven’t told us. I mean, “lonely” is mentioned, but I agree, that’s not good enough for a whole paragraph. You could… just cut it off entirely? Unless you have another hook you want to add.
Also, 2.99 might be too much for a novella. All of the indie novellas I’ve seen have been in the 1.50 range. I’ve seen some traditionally pubbed novellas at 2.99, but they pride themselves in being more expensive than everyone else…. Up to you! Just thought I’d let you know.
I agree with everything Nyssa pointed out. As for the cover, by the way, if you can find a way to integrate it seamlessly, you could include his spaceship–or Megiddo Station.
One issue I’ve got with the blurb is that the third paragraph rehashes the first two in several ways. Perhaps you could bring to the first paragraph his star wandering nature and the Outworlds reference; try working it so that he’s been to the Outworlds and therefore is in serious need of resupply. I do particularly enjoy the concrete detail that is Megiddo Station in the opening line though, so I’d definitely keep that. Also, perhaps you could juxtapose that he was seeking a fortune with the fact the he was not seeking a wife.
Thanks guys! How about this?
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When Jeremiah arrived at Megiddo Station, all he wanted was to make some trades and resupply his starship. He never thought he’d come away with a wife.
Before he knows it, he’s back on his ship, alone with his accidental bride. Since neither of them speak the same language, he has no way to tell her that there’s been a terrible mistake. And because of the deadly famine ravaging her home, there’s no going back. She’s entirely at his mercy, and more than anything else, that terrifies him.
Jeremiah isn’t ready to take responsibility for his unexpected passenger. He’s a star wanderer, roaming the Outworlds in search of his fortune. Someday he’ll settle down, but for now, he just wants to drop the girl off at the next port and move on.
As he soon finds out, though, she has other plans.
I like it. The flow is much improved, and you’ve transformed his bride from passive obstacle to active agent.
Much better! I like it a lot. 😀