Dear Ms. Author.
I really like your books. I think they are well-written and I enjoyed reading them. (So far, so good, right? Hang on.) However, I have returned them all because you priced them at $0.99 to $2.99, and that is too much to pay for them. I can’t afford to pay that much for a book, even though I liked it. In the future, can you make sure you make all your books free so I don’t have to return them?
Dear Ms. Reader,
Thank you for reading my books. I appreciate your patronage. However, this is why my books are not all free:
What have you done to serve your fellow man?
Sincerely yours,
Joe
Wow, just wow… I wonder if she would apply the same logic to things she worked hard on? That is one troll whom I sincerely hope doesn’t reproduce.
To be clear, this is not a message that I personally received, but one that’s been floating around writerly circles for some time. Thought I’d share my take on it.
Dear Ms. Author,
I live in a constant delusion that I am the tyrant ruler of this planet and expect all goods and services to be provided by slave labor. Worship me! Beg for my mercy and approval! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ever grateful,
Ms. Reader
Dear Ms. Reader,
Congratulations! You just became a character in my next novel. Have a nice day!
Yours truly,
Joe