Whew! I just finished revising through almost 9k words in Desert Stars. I’ve only got three more chapters and an epilogue to go, and man, I am so excited about this story! I have no doubt it’s my best work yet.
Of course, I might be biased. 😉
Star Wanderers is also coming along very well. I’ve only got a few more scenes to write/revise before it’s ready to send off to the next round of first readers. Part of me wants to send it off to Writers of the Future right now (and according to Dean’s sage advice, that’s probably what I should do), but I want to get some feedback first just to make sure there isn’t something I’ve missed that would make it better. If all goes well, I’ll probably send it off by the end of the month.
This is the best part of writing process: finishing up a project that you know is good. This is one reason why I love rewriting so much. If I could do this all day, every day, and get paid enough for my work to make ends meet, I’d be living the dream.
Until then, however, I’ve got to figure out another way to make ends meet. One option I’m considering very seriously is selling my contract and driving across the country this Thanksgiving to spend a month or two with my parents before going overseas. My mom was the one who suggested it, and I have to admit it makes a lot of sense; if I’m going to go abroad to teach English anyways, why not spend some time back home?
If this is something I need to do, I’m going to have to make the decision very soon, possibly before the end of next week–and if you know me, you know that I’m terrible at making decisions. However, I have been thinking about it enough to make a couple of lists, and this is what I’ve come up with so far:
Reasons to go to abroad:
- To start a new career.
- To have adventures.
- To experience another culture.
- To gain TEFL experience.
- To support myself as I write.
- To have a change.
- To see the world.
- To have something to write about.
Reasons to stay in Utah:
- To get married.
- To focus on writing.
- To pursue a graduate degree.
- To stay in a predominantly Mormon community.
I decided to list only the positive reasons for making either decision, and not to consider any of the creeping doubts or fears (and there are many!). So let’s break it down:
To start a new career: This seems prudent, especially if it takes a while for my books to really take off. Specifically, a TEFL career seems like something I could juggle with my writing career, and it would certainly offer a lot more satisfaction than a grunt day job.
To have adventures: Perhaps not the most responsible reason, but hey, you’ve got to remember to have fun.
To experience another culture: One of the perks of traveling, for sure. It would probably improve my writing considerably as well, though culture shock and distance from family would certainly pose a challenge.
To gain TEFL experience: In other words, to find out if teaching English as a foreign language is something I want to build a career around, or whether I’m just not suited for it. This is why I’d want to do the TLG program first, before heading off somewhere like Cairo or Amman. And if it doesn’t work out…well, at least I’d know. Right now, I don’t.
To support myself as I write: This is huge. I hear that most TEFL jobs only take up about 20 hours per week, and that if you’re living in a local apartment, it’s not hard to make time to write. In the past two years, I haven’t had any success balancing writing with full-time work, and working part time probably wouldn’t earn me enough to support myself here in the states.
To have a change: Not quite as tangible a reason, but important nonetheless. I can’t quite explain it, but if I stay where I am now, in my current life situation…it’s just not going to work out.
To see the world: I could probably lump this under “to have adventures.”
To have something to write about: Also huge. My experiences in Jordan and the Middle East were a huge inspiration for Desert Stars, and if I’d never gone over there, the novel wouldn’t be nearly as rich. Who knows what else my imagination would produce if I spent some time traveling the world?
Now, for the other side:
To get married: Honestly, this is more of a negative reason than a positive reason. I’ve already decided that I’m only going to marry someone who’s a practicing Mormon, and since Utah is predominantly Mormon, I’m worried that if I leave Utah, I won’t be able to find someone.
Trouble is…I’ve been here for almost six years, and still haven’t found anyone. I could probably put more effort into dating, but the truth is probably that finding a marriage partner is more about your mindset than where you physically live.
Besides, I could always spend a year or two abroad and come back. I’d be pushing thirty and well beyond “menace to society” status, but at least I wouldn’t be a loser who spent all his twenties in Utah.
To focus on writing: This was why I decided last year not to go teach English in Korea. The ebook revolution was just getting started, and I felt that I needed to stay in the states to learn how the market was changing and focus on building my indie writing career.
Now, however, I feel like I’m high enough on the learning curve that I can afford to work on other things. Besides, with the current state of the economy, I don’t think I’m going to find balance if I stay in the states.
To pursue a graduate degree: I’ve largely ruled this one out. I don’t see how an English degree would help me at this point, and I don’t currently have any career aspirations that would justify pursuing an advanced degree. The only reason I’d go back to school is to postpone facing the real world, and that’s probably the worst reason I could possibly have.
To stay in a predominantly Mormon community: Kind of the opposite of “see the world” and “experience another culture,” and it gets at the very heart of the matter. Would it be better to establish myself among people who are more like me and share my values, or should I venture out of the “bubble” and see what else is out there? I have a much stronger support group here in Utah than I’d probably have as a global nomad, but do I really need it? Am I independent enough to strike out and bloom wherever I’m planted?
I don’t know. My thinking is so muddled with doubts and second thoughts that this whole exercise has probably been futile. If I had to make a decision RIGHT THIS SECOND, however, I’d probably choose to go.
If nothing else, it would give me a good two months of writing time. 🙂
Take the experience of someone who is soon to be turning 41.
You never regret taking the chance on an experience. You often regret not taking the chance. Go to Singapore, Korea, or Brooklyn. Just get out and see the world. It’s a cool place.
Coming from someone who has spent a year working in France and then a year+ on a mission in Armenia, there is nothing like living and working abroad. I learned more about Life and more about people away from home than I ever did at home safely tucked away in my comfort zone and in my comfort culture.
The Brethren caution against going on big traveling adventures in order to run away from life and from responsibility. I don’t think that’s what you’re going for, here. But of course, take it up with God, and the only way He’s going to tell you is if you start moving on that path. No fear! Just get started, see if things feel right as you make those preparations. It does sound like you really want to go and that it would really help you.
Joe, it sounds to me like you really want to go, and that it’ll be good for you. Even though I’m very happy in my situation right now, I wish that I had taken advantage of opportunities to travel and see more of the world. I also happen to be a little anti-Utah (I think it’s stifling) so I’m not sure how much my advice is worth. 🙂
Teaching English abroad sounds like fun. That’s the choice I’d go with. Oh I just read the comments above. I agree with Laura C that you should do what feels right.
Also I’m looking forward to the release of Desert Stars.
By the way, I taught English in Thailand every week during my mission. I know its not the same as real teaching English abroad program, but I know that the students there were really cool and fun to work with. I’m sure it will be like that anywhere that there is an established teaching English abroad program.
As for your getting married reason–
I think you hit it spot on, that it is about mindset, and not location.
But it’s not just a “marriage mindset,” like being ready to get married. You need to find someone who’s mindset is going to match yours. For you, that definitely includes someone who is a practicing mormon, but it also means someone who is going to have similar life goals.
So there are a lot of mormons in Utah. But it doesn’t matter, there can be a hundred thousand eligible mormon bachelorettes there and it won’t matter. Just because they are mormon, doesn’t mean they are actually YOUR type of people. I mean, you are an aspiring writer. That’s an ambitious path and requires a certain lifestyle, certain expectations, certain sacrifices, etc. Maybe the people who are going to want that life aren’t the kind of people who life in Provo.
I’m definitely speaking from my own biased views here, and so it’s turned into something of a soapbox, but i think it’s something to consider. But I went on maybe 8 dates in 4 years in Utah, and I went on 5 times as many in 4 months in NYC, and met my future husband there. I don’t think that was a coincidence or just luck. I was surrounded by mormons in Utah, but just because we had religion in common doesn’t mean we had anything else in common that would ultimately work in a relationship (like priorities, or values, or goals for our lives).
Anyway, I’m totally an advocate for leaving. You are only young once and you can always come back. You might not always be able to leave. That being said, I can totally see the appeal of a strong support group in Utah, so I don’t know.
Also, beware of some ESL jobs! I have a couple of friends working in Korea right now, and their jobs are stressful! They work 50-60 hours a week, and that would not leave you a lot of time for writing. Sometimes it is very hard to know what you are getting into, trying to get jobs half way around the world.
Wow, thanks for the feedback guys! You have some very good advice.
@Gini — Those are some good points about marriage. Yeah, I guess Utah isn’t the best place for me to find the kind of partner I’m looking for–not among the crowd, anyway. And I can always come back, which means I don’t really have anything to lose by going.
As for those ESL jobs in Korea, that sounds pretty bad! I quit the application process for other reasons, but the more involved I became, the more vibes I got that it wasn’t for me. Honestly, I don’t think I’d mix well with the culture in that part of the world. I’m too independently minded–the Bedouin suite me so much better.
@Bryan — Yeah, I figure I’ll probably end up having a lot more fun than I’d expected with the teaching. And if not, well, it’s only for a few months, and at least the travel aspect will be a big plus. And I’m glad you’re looking forward to Desert Stars! I really hope to have it out before Christmas, and I’m probably going to launch a kickstarter campaign here in the next couple of days to make that possible. Expect to hear about that soon–I could definitely use your help and support!
@Mary — I agree; deep down, I’ve probably already made the decision, and now I’m just trying to sell myself on it, if that makes sense. I’ve always been resistant to change, but if staying put is too stifling, it would probably be best to go.
@Laura — I totally agree–those four months in Jordan on the BYU study abroad program were some of the best in my life, simply in terms of personal growth and life-changing experiences. And you’re right about asking God first. When I prayed about it earlier, I got a prompting that I should make out these lists, focusing only on the positive reasons to go and not on the negative reasons not to. As you can see, the exercise helped me a lot to sort things out.
@Rasputin — Hehe, your way of thinking is a lot like mine. When faced with a difficult decision, I’ll often use the “least regret” method: which path will I most regret having NOT taken? And in that case, the answer is almost certainly going abroad–so that’s probably what I’m going to do.
Once again, thanks guys; your feedback has been very helpful. I still have to pray some more about it, but barring any major changes, I think I’ll contact the recruiters in the next couple of days and sign up. So stay tuned–it’s going to be an adventure!