Some updates on the writing process, and a little rant on the difficulties therein…
I finally sat down around 12:30 am to write in my novel, but I’m so tired now, after a week of working the morning delivery shift, that I’m just going to go to bed and sleep. I fully intended all day to write something, and had it planned out in my mind, but I just kept putting it off and doing other things until…blegh.
There is this anxiety that I get sometimes (well, actually a lot). First I get a ton of great ideas for the next few scenes in the story. Then I plan them out. Then, I get caught up in life–work, school, friends, and other stuff–and I say to myself “when this is done, then I’ll write this scene.”
But what this really does is trigger something in my brain that makes me stall. I complete the high priority tasks, then say to myself, “well, I really should do this other stuff too–it’s ok after all, I’ll just write later,” and I move on to other things. Like visiting friends, completing non-urgent tasks, or doing things that I’ve been putting off for a long time and feel guilty for not getting around to them.
Then, when the time comes to write, I not only have to struggle with putting my butt in the chair, but in turning off that stall mentality. It’s hard. I sit down, put the flash drive in, and suddenly remember that I need to email so and so, or check up on such and such. Or I just spend a few minutes browsing through blogs.
Ugh. Then, when I finally do start, if I haven’t turned off that stall mentality yet, it takes about five hundred words before I start getting into the story. I’ll write a line, delete it, write something else, delete half of it, write a couple more sentences this way, and then check my wordcount so far.
Ugh!
Then, when I get to about 800 words, all of that breaks down and things start flowing. But by then, it’s usually late at night, or I’m late for something else I have to go to, or something else comes up and I have to break away.
It’s a ridiculous pattern. I wouldn’t exactly call it writer’s block, because I know what I want to write, and I have lots of cool ideas for the scene in mind. It’s just…falling out of the writing mindset.
I think this is generally true for life as well. I heard in an Elder’s quorum meeting once that the human mind is programmed to seek the highest possible pleasure for the lowest possible effort. If you get less pleasure doing A than B, but B takes more effort than A, then you’ll be naturally drawn towards activity A. That’s why we spend so much time watching TV, when really there are a lot more productive (and ultimately more pleasurable) things to do.
I believe it. I really get a lot out of writing, but it’s hard to put my mind to it sometimes.
Yesterday I broke out of that pattern. I just told myself “I only have an hour, and I’m going to use it to write,” and I did. I went straight to the LRC, put in my flash drive, opened the word document without opening anything else, and wrote. And before the hour was up, I was at about 1,000 words.
I think you’ve just got to tell yourself to do it, even if you don’t feel like doing it. If your determination is stronger than anything else in your mind, you can break out of that mindset that makes you stall. I’m going to be better about that.
On the plus side, this writer’s anxiety makes me finish my high priority tasks a lot faster, so I have a lot less homework to do over the weekend!
