My Intersectional Author Bio

I’m subscribed to just about every major science fiction and fantasy podcast on the internet, and one of the most annoying things they do is use the author bio to virtue signal about how woke or intersectional they are. So just for fun, I thought I would get in on that action and write an insufferable author bio of my own:

Joe Vasicek is a fourth generation immigrant whose ancestors were slaves a thousand years before the Native Americans discovered Europe, but because they were white he’s still a racist bastard who has yet to check his privilege. Until the 1970s, it was legal in the state of Missouri to kill him because of his religion, so it’s a good thing he was born in the 80s and has never had a desire to live there. Besides, he’s a Mormon, so the law was probably justified. His preferred pronouns are His Majesty and His Greatness, but he will answer to anything, including racist, sexist, bigot, homophobe, Islamophobe, Nazi, or hey stupid. He lives in MAGA country and owns a lot of guns.