One of the blogs I like to follow is postsecret. It’s basically this project where people anonymously send in their secrets on postcards, and this guy posts them online. At times, it can be raunchy and gross, but it’s always very honest and I like that. Plus, it’s a great place to go for story ideas.
This week, there was a particularly disturbing one–and the most disturbing thing wasn’t necessarily the secret on the card, but my reaction (or lack thereof) to it. Here’s what it said:
I wish there was a place for me to go on a regular basis to find great looking men to pick up and safely bring home and have sex with me. I am in my 40s and have needs.
I am a professional woman working for a well known company.
The image on the postcard was of a bunch of ten to fourteen year old boys on a beach smiling for the camera and flexing their scrawny muscles.
Initially, I didn’t have too much of a reaction to this. As I glanced over it, my first thought was: “oh dear, another raunchy secret.” My second thought was: “Huh, I guess women have needs too.”
My third thought didn’t come until ten hours later, when I was driving home from my brother in laws. For some reason, the postcard came into my mind, and I started to wonder: what kind of a person would write such a thing?
The comment about being a professional made me think that the woman might be some kind of CEO. If she’s a CEO, she’s probably used to being in charge and controlling people.
Instantly, the secret began to feel a little bit sinister.
I then started wondering about the kind of “young men” she wants to pick up. Does she want someone she can dominate? Someone young, like in the picture? That’s when I started to feel disturbed.
But then, as I reflected a bit more on it, I started to wonder why it didn’t disturb me as much at first. Does it have something to do with the way our society sees men and women? That women and girls are sexually vulnerable, but men and boys aren’t?
Here’s a question–what if the postcard had said this:
I wish there was a place for me to go on a regular basis to find great looking girls to pick up and safely bring home and have sex with me. I am in my 40s and have needs.
I am a professional man working for a well known company.
Superimposed, of course, on an image of fourteen year old girls in bikinis.
It’s a lot more disturbing than the first one, isn’t it? But why should that be so? Is there really any difference between a middle aged man seeking young girls and a middle aged woman seeking young boys? How screwed up is it that we think there is?
That’s when I started to get really disturbed–when I realized how much I’d unconsciously bought into the screwed up worldview of our modern society.
Anyhow, I just thought I’d point it out, because sexism is not a one way thing. Sometimes, it can be really frustrating when people forget that.
Yeah, I’ve read things that tell about how boys probably get raped way more than people realize, but it’s drastically more likely for them to not report it. Getting raped is considered a rather girly thing, so they keep quiet.
Somewhat related perhaps is how it’s a sin for boys to be perceived as feminine in any way. While it’s generally perfectly fine for girls in society today to participate in “boy” activities and even dress and look like boys in many ways, the reverse is rarely true to any degree. (AKA nobody will bat an eye at a tomboy these days, right? On the other hand would anyone really differentiate “tomgirl” with “thoroughly homosexual”?) So there’s a clear double-standard there, but in a roundabout way it can be seen as sexist to women too, since it implies masculinity as good for both boys and girls.
It is creepy for me no matter how you look at it. Exploitation is expoitation no matter how it is packaged.
P. 227, “Miracle of Forgiveness,” the author pinpoints a similar situation, a double standard. He says modesty is for men and women the same. Published 1969, long before age of political correctness.